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Cold-pressed Chicken Juice (Keto, Paleo, Gluten-Free*, Not Good)

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We cold-press raw whole chickens to extract the juice that still contains all the vital nutrients, "beneficial microbes", and such. It's sorta like cold-pressing fresh fruits and vegetables to make juice that tastes delicious and is packed full of nutrients, but instead we cold-press raw chickens and it's not delicious...and probably not that good for you. What do you mean, of course we remove the feathers! Oh, speaking of fresh vegetables, we'll probably waft some fresh parsley over the chickens before cold pressing them. If you like bone broth, then you will definitely not like cold-pressed raw chicken juice. It's beyond terrible. We wanted the price to be a negative number, but Shopify doesn't allow negative numbers. DISCLAIMER: Cold-pressed Chicken Juice does not meet any of the FDA's food safety guidelines.  *May contain traces of gluten.   HAPPY APRIL FOOLS DAY!